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Wisdom In Phrases

  1. Wisdom in Phrases

    I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:-'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
    - Eleanor Roosevelt

    Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
    - Mark Twain

    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
    - George Burns

    Santa Claus has the right idea.
    Visit people only once a year.
    - Victor Borge

    Be careful about reading health books.
    You may die of a misprint.
    - Mark Twain

    By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
    - Socrates

    I was married by a judge.
    I should have asked for a jury.
    - Groucho Marx

    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
    Every now and then she stops to breathe.
    - Jimmy Durante

    I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
    - Zsa Zsa Gabor

    Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar,and fat.
    - Alex Levine

    My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
    people would stop dying.
    - Rodney Dangerfield

    Money can't buy you happiness ....
    But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
    - Spike Milligan

    Until I was thirteen,I thought my name was SHUT UP .
    - Joe Namath

    I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my nap.
    - Bob Hope

    I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
    - W. C. Fields

    We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
    - Will Rogers

    Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
    As you grow older, it will avoid you.
    - Winston Churchill

    Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty..
    But everything else starts to wear out,
    fall out, or spread out..
    - Phyllis Diller

    By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
    - Billy Crystal

    And the cardiologist's diet:
    If it tastes good,spit it out.